Beethoven's Grief

you everytime dont let me go for my cca
if you dont know
this year is my crucial year

it decides my fate
my attendance: so what if its above 75%?

got people 100%

and im still losing out

now its not about getting A1 for attendance

but its about the posting.

its all about the posting.

since the start of sec 1,

when i said i wanted to join NP,

the look in your eyes tells me:

"you arent getting my approval.

NPCC is useless. all they do is drills, drills and drills.

i rather you join NCC"

well, thats what i thought

i hope i was wrong.

but you proved me right.

ok, i'll just take it that you stopped me from joining air pistol team in sec 2 is for me to study.

i was hoping that

and maybe it was.

then i had ATC

you said

"why so many camps? waste of time! i rather you go study!"

well, word for word,

thats what YOU said.

this year,

campcraft training.

you dont have to say it out loud,

i can even feel that you dont like campcraft training,

you dont like it that it burnt my holidays,

and im not studying.

yes, i know i should study

its my priority

but, its a competition!

you didnt voice out your thoughts,

so i shouldnt think too much.

i shouldnt assume too much

then,

mount kinabalu.

if you had allowed me to join,

there would be a better chance for me to get SPF-NPCC

you said:

"no its a waste of time. what for go with them? we go overseas ourselves ok?"

then, you circled "no"

almost everything is against NP.

everything, can be linked to NP

im supposed to go for council meeting, you say no, cos i have gone back to school too much for CC training.

so?

i got 3 DPs,

for basically nothing.

like what?

you always say i have 2 CCAs

council, NPCC

WHAT THE HELL

these are 2 different things

you always say:

"CCAs are redundant. what for have a CCA? just concentrate on your studies!"

you always threaten:

"you better study. otherwise im going to write to the school and cancel your NPCC"

sometimes,

the victim is council

just

what

wrong

with

being

councillor,

AND

NPCC

cadet

AND

campcraft team 1 member?

and if i didnt tell you the names for SYF are set,

and if i were to ask for your permission,

i can even guess the answer.

now,

i dont even dare to tell you,

i have joined the shooting team.

now,

youre stopping me from going to NPAP,

for studies.

ok i can understand that its for studies,

but you can never understand,

that

affects

posting.

now almost everything can make a slight change to my post,

and yet you dont understand it.

if you were to stand in my shoes,

you wont like what is happening now.

you

wont